Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
