i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he had hair everywhere except his balls
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
