i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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