Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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