Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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