WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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