My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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