3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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