This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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