what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
