Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
