Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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