from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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