he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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