You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
