i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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