I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's just like the Real World with babies
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
