One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
