I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
