There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
