Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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