I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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