Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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