She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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