What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
