His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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