she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
