guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
