you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
