lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck appropriateness.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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