so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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