what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
