You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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