The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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