after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
