I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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