So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
