so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
