When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
