that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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