Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
