I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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