yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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