Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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