it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
