just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
