I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I smell like Dick and happiness
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
