i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
