The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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