Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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