What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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