Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
