Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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