Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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