The maid of honor just puked.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
