Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
