it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
