What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
