i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
