im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
