I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
