I just made out with a guy for $7.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
