Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
