Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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