Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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