If that was your dad, he is hot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize