so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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