I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just pee around me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
