I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
