i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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