I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
