he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
