i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
