ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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