he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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